sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
