What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
