I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
