Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
