how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
