Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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