I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
