Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
