my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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