New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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