At least make sure they are 18
Why
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
