Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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