everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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