apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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