is your mom at the bar?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
