then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
