mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
