I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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