and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
3 2 1 whiskey
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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