insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
