dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
