I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
