I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
