arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
