You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
