Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
