My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
