Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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