She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
only you would photoshop your dick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
