So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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