Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
