I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
