I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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