The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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