And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
