I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
