Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
