He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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