We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
