I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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