Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
