Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
