well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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