I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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