i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
