I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
