He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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