Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
