cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
