i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
