i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
