the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
