I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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