i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im six kinds of drunk right now
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
