i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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