If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
