I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
