I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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