Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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