I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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