I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
