I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Randomize
