my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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