Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
