You're my little dorito
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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