nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
