I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
