I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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