i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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